Mariposa
by forever-seth
Summary: My love lifted me from one life to the next, with the only goal being to find him again.
1. chapter 1

My heart was beating wildly, as if trying to urge me up. Urge me forward. But I was hemorrhaging from the wounds at my neck, losing blood faster than my body could handle. I tried to keep my breathing steady as I leaned against a tree. The bark against my back barely keep me upright, and I pressed myself into it to try to stay awake. My hand was held against my neck tightly.

Not like it mattered at this point, I realized. I was going to die.

The revelation wasn't an unsurprising one, but still tore the breath from my lungs. Pain shot through my chest, despair settling into my bones like an unshakable chill.

The hours had long passed and the dark had come. The stars peeked out, a personal gift to me from the universe as I lay dying. A clear night, in Forks. I stared unabashedly into the sky, gazing into an oblivion I'd never addressed. An open, endless universe that was as unknown as it was comforting. Tears welled in my eyes, but I refused to look away from the stars as they dripped down my cheeks.

I removed my hand, feeling a warm flow of blood slide down my shoulder. I thought idly that it should make me sick, but after an hour of bleeding my nose had gotten accustomed to the smell of iron. It had stained everything, painting the dead meadow before me. The ground was soaked with it. New flowers would grow here, grow from my body, through my ribcage and my skull.

No one would find me. Charlie would never know.

Fresh tears slid down my cheeks. My father, albeit not the best at many things, was the best father I could have asked for. I finally closed my eyes, playing a silent movie behind my eyelids. The summer visits, patient as I dragged him throughout the bookstores. The one summer visit to DisneyLand that ended with us lobster red but happy. We'd both vowed to do it again one day.

And then there was here. The truck he'd bought me, the lengths he went through to keep me safe and content. Eating dinner with me each night when he could, trying to be an active part of my life. And I'd taken so much for granted. And now there would never be another chance. He would be alone.

I coughed, finding is suddenly hard to breathe. My vision dimmed dangerously for a moment, before I regained it.

And then I saw him.

Just standing at the edge of the meadow, shimmering in and out of existence. I laughed, waving slightly. It was better when he waved back. And then he melted away. A vision of my own dying mind.

Edward.

I sobbed openly now, wrapping my arms around myself in a hug. The love that ripped through me was painful and invigorating, cleansing and burning. Despite his departure, despite the pain, despite everything, I knew I could never stop loving him. It tore through me, but pieced me together at the same time.

I love you, I thought wistfully. And I'll never stop.

After that, I was unable to hold myself up. I slumped to the ground, my eyes to the stars above. My breathing grew slow, my eyes heavy. It hurt less than I thought it would. I slipped away slowly and peacefully, in a place with the best memories and most beautiful view. I was gone before I realized it.

A small piece of paper drifted past the stars, right as I took my last breath and released it into the oblivion above me.

I was pulled into something that was unlike anything I'd ever encountered, yet everything I expected. It was warm, muted. Like a blanket. It was dark, yet bursting with colors I couldn't even describe, colors I'd never seen before. I was swaddled in a presence, but at the same time completely alone. I was floating in an ocean of contentedness.

I was everything and nothing at the same time.

It was peace.

Not a one shot. More like a drabble fic. Who knows. Reviews appreciated.

xox


	2. chapter 2

I was everything and nothing. Tendrils of peace were the only thing that kept me from drifting away, from fracturing into a million pieces. It was a place I'd never experienced before, but what I knew was home. It was nostalgic and surreal and left me with only contentment.

I was in the embrace of consciousness. Alone, but not quite. A feeling settled over me. Coated me with thick, viscous warmth. It reassured me, held me, loved me.

And then it began.

I remembered. Vividly.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

It started with the first breath I drew. Cold and brisk and full of life. I remembered how sensitive my skin felt, despite how gentle I was handled. Every touch was brutal against my skin, this world too cold compared to before. So I screamed; wailing as they tried to make it better. " _Shhh_ ," they said, trying to make me comfortable. Something was placed over my head, keeping it warm. And then they wrapped me in something magnificently soft.

It reminded me of before. So I was reduced to merely whimpers. Everything was still so unfamiliar, the light too harsh and the air too cold. I didn't like it. I hated it.

And then I heard it.

" _Isabella_."

It was beautiful. It was familiar, after hearing it for so long. And now, I could finally hear it clearly. It was the best sound in the world.

" _She's so beautiful_." And there was another one! Another voice that I'd heard. It was deeper than the other, louder in that way. But it was safe. It was the new best sound in the world. I cried out, wanting it to say something else. " _Oh, shh. It's okay_."

He lifted me into his arms, and I quieted. I was in awe at how warm he was, how gentle his hands were to pick me up. I couldn't help myself, prying my eyes open as wide as they could go. It was painful, but so rewarding as I looked at the giant looming man. My father.

The corner of his eyes crinkled, cinnamon flecks in a pool of chocolate.

Just like mine.

And then it was gone, just a pair of warm brown eyes in the dark. I couldn't help but feel a small sense of loss, but it was hard to mourn something that never felt like it was there.

I was scrubbed new. Piece by piece. I was given each day of my life over and over again, only to have it erased. Most were completely ripped away. Some left partially intact. Certain details stayed sometimes. Like a pair of eyes. Or shoes. The smell of burning eggs. The ease of the cast of a fishing pole. Some days I was lucky enough to keep completely.

I went through my life each day in turn up until sixteen. By that time, I only had three full days.

The first day was my second birthday.

I woke up early, earlier than usual. The reason being I was in Charlie's arms. He held me in the rocking chair, singing softly.

" _Isn't she lovely? Isn't she wonderful._ " His voice was low, rough with sleep. The best sound in the world. " _Isn't she precious? Less than a minute old._ "

I blinked sleepily up at him, reaching my hands up for him. He captured them, showering them with kisses. I giggled, curling into him more. " _I never thought with love we'd be, making one as lovely as she._ " He swung me up, dancing around my room. This made me laugh even more. He spun quickly, making me dizzy and giddy. " _But isn't she lovely, made from love._ "

I was still giggling as he spun to a stop, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "Happy Birthday, baby."

"Birthday," I repeated, but it came out sounding like mush. "My birthday. Two." I held up two fingers like momma had showed me, delighted when he repeated the action.

"Yes, two." He carries me to my bed, changing me and dressing me in a yellow dress. My favorite. "All right, Bella. Pancakes?"

"Pancake!" I squealed, clapping my hands together excitedly. He swooped me into his arms again, and carried me downstairs. He dropped me in my high chair with some of my toys, angling it toward the kitchen so I could see him better. "Dada work? Work?"

"No work today," he answered, flipping a pancake. This made me happy, and I went back to messing with my toys. It was the cube with blocks, and I matched the shapes to the holes. I had successfully managed almost all of them, with the exception of the triangle. It puzzled me, but it still found it fun. I tried the round hole several times, and then moved on the square. I was so concentrated I didn't notice my mother come down.

"Like this, baby," she advised, taking the block and matching it to the right hole. I looked up at her, smiling and reaching for her. She gave me a quick kiss, looking me over quickly.

"She wasn't supposed to put the dress on yet, Charlie," she said, with a tone that made me cringe. "She's going to get it all dirty."

"Then we'll get a different dress," he replied, setting a plate of cut pancakes in front of me. They were drowned in syrup, and I reached for them happily.

Momma grabbed my hands, quickly pulling the dress over my head. Then my hands were free to grab at sticky goodness.

"Charlie, I need you to go get the cake while I decorate. I told our parents to show up around noon, and I want you to get the grill going around then." Momma ate her own pancakes, occasionally wiping syrup from my face. Eventually, she gave up trying to keep me clean. "I'm going to have to give her a bath."

"All right. To the store I go." Charlie said. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, and I felt my heart drop.

"Go?" I whined. "Go work? You say no work?"

"Cake, baby. I gotta get your cake." Charlie said. I didn't understand, feeling tears well up. They dribbled down my cheeks as I began to cry.

"Birthday! My birthday. No go. Please." I wailed, throwing my arms up towards him.

"Baby," He began to reach for me, but momma showed him away.

"Just go Charlie, she'll be fine."

I was not in fact fine.

I cried through the rest of my pancakes, in my mother's arms, all through the bath, while she combed my hair and put a bow in it, pulled my mfavorite dress on, and put in my favorite movie. The Little Mermaid. Nothing could console me, except the thud of work boots that came through the door.

"Dada!" I went running, jumping up at down as he made his way to the kitchen. "Back!"

"Yes, I'm back," he chuckled, setting bags on the counter and turning to me. "You look beautiful, Bella."

I turned shy, twirling in my dress. "Momma brush my hair." I made a face, and he laughed.

"Go watch your movie." He said.

I did so happily, watching as momma strung streamers and blew balloons.

By the time my movie was over, the house was decorated and my grandparents had arrived. Both sets. They gave me kisses and hugs and Grandpa Henry held me on his hip while daddy started the grill. Grandpa Henry told me funny things in my ear and Grandma Izzy scolded him. That only made me laugh harder. She took me from his arms, carrying me to the bench swing in our backyard.

The day was warmer than usual, and the sun is out just for me. Grandma Izzy tells me so.

"Did you know we have the same name, baby?" She asked, rocking us back and forth. "My name is Isabella Grace. And you're Isabella Marie."

I stared at her in wonder, never realizing thing.

"You are so loved," she told me, brushing my hair slightly. "Me and Henry love you, Grandma Jenny and Grandpa Jim love you, momma loves you, and daddy loves you. Never forget."

I almost fell asleep as she rocked me. Love wasn't something I quite understood, too young to understand the concept.

Later that night after I blew out my candles and opened my gifts, I found myself in Sarah Black's lap. My hands were pressed against her belly, which was full with a baby.

"Baby Jacob is almost ready to come out," She told me. "See how hard he kicks?" Almost instantly, I felt a thump against my palm.

I gasped, jerking my hand away. She laughed, gently guiding them back. "He's just saying hello." Two more thumps hit my hand.

I leaned close, my lips practically kissing her skin. "Hi," I whispered. "Hi Jacob." I pressed a real kiss to her stomach, not flinching as he kicked against my lips.

"All right, Bells, say bye to Rach and Becky," Renee called. Billy stood by the door, waiting.

"An' Jake!" I added. I turned back to Sarah's stomach, patting it twice. "Bye Jake."

I stumbled off the couch, hugging Rachel and Rebecca bye. Daddy put me on his shoulders as we watched them drive away.

"Can we watch Ariel?" I asked between yawns. "Please? Please please please?"

Renee and Charlie exchanged a look.

"How about more cake?" Momma whispered, a smile on her face.

Tummy full of cake, feet in my dad's lap, head in my momma's, I fell asleep to my favorite movie on the best day.

Two weeks later my mom took me away in the middle of the night.

But it didn't matter. I wouldn't remember.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

The memories came by faster now. Each day was remembered, and then scrubbed away. I was moving forward, with no concept of the past. I was just watching a movie of someone else, from a different time. I was no one, nothing, everything.

And then came something horrible.

"Bella, you don't have to do this."

 _No_.

I was no longer nothing. I was pain. Everything was suddenly changing.

 _Not this_.

It started to tear apart, strip by strip. It peeled away like wallpaper. Each thought shredded.

"You didn't need to do that Dad, I was going to buy myself a car."

"I don't mind. I want you to be happy here."

 _This couldn't be taken_.

"You're Isabella Swan, aren't you?"

"Bella."

 _No no no no no no no._

"Who are they?"

 _NO_.

I exploded, all of my being torn apart and condensed together at the same time. This couldn't be taken from me, _he_ could not be taken from me.

If anything, I would hold on to this. With my entire existence, I held on to this one thing.

The consciousness that cradled me caressed me one last time, a touch of sorrow echoing through me. And then it was gone.

I was dropped then, the only way I could explain it. I was falling in the best way, clinging to the only thing that mattered in my existence.

And then I took my second first breath.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

 **you know, I say drabble but I still have way to high expectations of myself. sorry for the wait.**


End file.
